Gorgeous Weather

The weather has been really beautiful and hot over the past few days, really enjoying it as its meant to get crappy & rainy again where I am within the next few days but going to enjoy it with the girls while I can, Chris is also off work for a few nights so even better x

Dillon's Communion

Me & the girls went to Dillon's communion on Sunday, we all had a fab time & the girls both looked very beautiful in there dresses. Dillon is the eldest son of my friend Sharon. I still had my sore throat & ear but went as its such a special day, was so glad I did, it was nice to meet up with friends and get out of the house as well.

Brogan enjoyed seeing friends she has not seen in a while too and Violet loved all the attention given to her, she also loved playing with a balloon all day :)

A good day was had be all x

Man Flu!!!

No need to expand too much, Im sure the title says it all!

Chris has done nothing today but complain that he is "not well" he has a sore head & stuffy nose & thinks he is dying, so bad that he took the night off work! Personally I think he looks fine, only thig he seems to be suffering is from lazyitis, hope its not contagious lol!

Im still not feeling great, Ive had a sore throat & ear since Friday yet I still have to watch the 2 girls, do the housework and be a taxi driver, I stil have to get up early, go to bed late once all housework done & do the night feeds as he is at work, have I been able to curl up in bed like I want to? You bet your ass Ive NOT! Yet he watched Violet for 1 whole hour (I had her all day was taking Brogan to dance class then) before saying I had to have her back as he didn't feel well, GRRRRRR.

Why is it men get a slight headache or sniffle & they think they are dying, oh how I would LOVE a day off!

Not well :(

Why is it when a woman is not well they have to get up & on with it, yet when a man is unwell they lie in be, moaning & complianing that they are going to die?

Ive got a really sore throat & sore ears today & feel generally like crap, does that entitle me to a day off! Nope, it entitles me to do the same as I do everyday only it allows me to feel like crap while doing it! Do I get any sympathy for feeling unwell, no I get offered to go out for dinner so I dont need to cook it for them, oh yeah because I really want to sit there watching you both eat when I just want to crawl into my bed and sleep but I cant there dinner to make, housework to do and babies to look after.

Missed my exam, another bad day!

I had man exam this morning on Pharmacology: Factors Affecting Drug Action,I should be sat just now in the hall doing it, instead Im at home writing this!

My stupid mobile decided lastnight that it wasnt going to work properly, it was playing up really bad & not letting me press the keys, I got it working before I went to sleep, hoping it didn't stop during the night. Well it did & never went off this morning to get up for School with Brogan & to get me to my exam. Brogan usually up by 7am & she slept on as well, Violett decided she was going to sleep in the morning after having me up 5 times during the night! She decided lastnight she didnt need sleep! I only had about 4 hours sleep in little bits & bobs so this morning I am absolutely shattered!

Even if I did get up in time & go in for my exam, I never got as much studying done yesterday as I wanted, had another argument with Chris, seem to be having them alot lately, maybe its just my hormones! Plus with Violet not wanting to sleep lastnight I never got a chance to do it then either, then she had me up most of the night so would have proberly fallen asleep in the exam hall Im that tired this morning.


Im lucky in a way that I wasn't being pressured into doing the exam as I have mitigating circumstances from this semester & my first attempts are being held off until resits in August, hoping the I pass it then now, got coursework to do for other classes as well over the summer so at least that way it gives me something to do then as Im so bored with being sat at home everyday just now, think its making me feel worse.

Pretty sure I have depression again, hate the way I feel just now, yesterday I felt like running away & never coming back, I even wished I was dead.

I also feel like crap today, I have a sore throat & my neck all swollen up, pretty sure I have put on more weight, God I wish I knew what the hell is wrong with me!!!!!

She doesn't want breastfed anymore :(

It has been 4 days since Violet last had a breast feed from me, I am totally gutted that she no longer seems to want me. She was only getting her nighttime & morning feed as a breastfeed then the rest were formula but I was happy with that and if she wanted more during the day then she could have it as well, I never stopped her. I combination fed due to a few reasons, for the first 6 days she was exclusivly breastfed then my grandad was rushed into hospital & read his last rites and became really weak and ill from his cancer, I was visiting the hopital several times a day then as we were really close so had to give her formula as she wasn't allowed onto the ward, this was just as my milk had started to come in as well so never had a chance to build up a proper milk supply. As my milk supply never got a chance to come in properly for what I needed no matter what I tried I couldn't get it to increase, I tried all the teas, herbal suppliments, eating oats, domperidone medication as well as constant feeding and expressing but it just dwindled and dwindled till we ended up on 2 breastfeed per day.

I suppose I should be pleased that I have gave her a good start in life by having some breastmilk in her diet and for getting as far along as I did, she is now 21 weeks, but I still feel like a failure. I was so not ready for her to wean herself of those 2 feeds, I loved the cuddles, smiles and our special time together during those feeds.

I also recon I am lucky that I managed to breastfeed her at all, after my breast reduction last year I was warned before hand that it could affect my chances to breastfeed in the future, I didn't care about that at the time I just wanted to be rid of my boobs. Then when I told my surgeon that I was pregnant at a check-up after my surgery I was warned that because it was so soon after my surgery and that my boobs were still healing (takes a year to heal fully inside) that my chances of breast feeding were very slim, if it wasn't so soon it would be 50:50 but I was told due to timing more like 20:80 that I wouldn't be able to feed. I managed 6 days exculsively, 8 weeks of supplimenting with 2-3 bottles of formula then slowly her breast feeds reduced and her formula increased with her appetite demands until we were at those 2 special feeds until she got to 21 weeks.

I wish that when I expressed I got more than 1oz max out from each side combined to give her that in a bottle that way she would still get it but I cant. I did at the very begining get good amounts of expressed milk (3oz ish) for me but not any more.

I feel like Im failing her by not breast feeding anymore even though it has been her choice to stop.

Those darn injections!

I have had a really off & grumpy little lady over the past few days, Violet finally got her 3rd lot of immunisations on Tuesday, the poor wee soul, 3 jabs, 2 in her left leg & 1 in the right. I wish I could have had them for her instead I felt so sorry for her getting them as she cried really hard and kept saying mummy to me, as if please mummy no make this stop! She seemed fine later on that day though which was good.

On Wednesday she kept running a temperature due to them so had to keep giving her calpol to keep her temperature down so we had a pyjama day & only changed in to 3 pairs of clean ones as her relux decided to play up badly as well.

Thursday she no longer had a temperature but instead was refusing her milk, she had no bottles or breast feeds since 5pm on Wednesday, it took until after 2pm to take anything but then brought it all back up eventually. She kept have screaming fits as well and would cry, clamp her mouth shut and go really rigid while still crying for ages at a time, she cried, I cried. She only managed to have 14oz of milk all day and brought most of it back up, as noticed by my 3 changes of clothes!

She has already taken 10oz today so hoping she is feeling much better today, fingers crossed she over the injections now, that is her until she is due her MMR at 1, still not sure she will have it when its due?